Rat Murderer

Islands in the South Pacific are teeming with rats. They are not really the dirty rats associated with urbans sprawl, these rats live in the dense bush and feed on ripe fruit and food from the gardens. Call them island rats. But that does not make them more enjoyable when they decide to move into your home. When I initially moved into my new home I had at least a dozen rats as roommates. Normally they waited until I was nearly asleep before they started their rat wrestling matches above my ceiling or rat tap dancing on the copper, gnawing on wood behind my wall or knocking over dishes in the kitchen just to annoy me. Repairing the holes to the outside walls of my house, a liberal sprinkling of rat poison and a tiny kitten eliminated the problem for a few months. But throughout this past week, irritating squeaks and gnawing noises have disturbed my sleep at 4 AM like clock work every morning. At 4 AM, I generally lack the resolve to get up and do anything about the noises. But the day before yesterday was different. The rats had gone too far. At 430, armed with a flashlight and machete, I murdered 2 rats that I trapped in my bedroom. Had there been any witnesses, doubtless they would have been entertained by lifting up random objects around the room, having a large rodent dart out lightening fast, me squeal like a girl and stab at it wildly with my machete. Death by a machete is not a pretty way to die, I should mention- and cleaning up the evidence was not a fun way to start my morning. But at least the gnawing noises will no longer disturb my sleep. For a few more months....